Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
