I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
