I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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