too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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