At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
