Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
