i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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