The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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