u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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