he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We talked him into tasing himself.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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