You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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