Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
