He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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