Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
