dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My bed is full of blood and feathers
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
