So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
