and you said cock pushups were impossible
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
