This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
