He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
