i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My dick has a subreddit
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
