I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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