Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
