I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
