I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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