Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
