Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
