She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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