Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she looked like the before picture.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
