Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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