so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
