I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
