Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
