She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
