i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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