You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
