Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The best revenge is premature balding
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
