I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
