sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
