If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
