I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have fence marks all over my body
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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