I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
