I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Drunk is not a location!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
