just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
