I am in a vortex of obligation.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
