I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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