I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
