Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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