Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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