Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
