i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
