Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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