Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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