I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
